I thought I was reading The Onion when I saw this headline it was so obvious...

What would Brian Boitano do if he were here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through.
He'd come out of the glass closet he was "in"


http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/sochi/2013/12/19/brian-boitano-announces-he-is-gay-sochi-delegation/4125427/

Procreation at it's Best

100-Year-Old Fla. Man Has 100 Grandkids - Local News Story - WKMG Orlando:

"RIVIERA BEACH, Fla. -- A Riviera Beach man has as many grandchildren as candles on his birthday cake -- about 100."
...
"He had 11 children, and they produced about 100 children among them. Most were on hand for Dixon's barbecue party Wednesday."

That's averaging around 9 kids per child. Not only is that a lot of lunch money, but damn that's a lot of diapers. I mean was this actually planned or could they not afford condoms or birth control?

The US #1 in Another Stat

U.S. most armed country with 90 guns per 100 people�|�Top News�|�Reuters.com:

"The United States has 90 guns for every 100 citizens, making it the most heavily armed society in the world, a report released on Tuesday said."

The US is #1 once again on another list. I mean is there anything we can't be at the top for. Well I guess per-capita we came second fiddle to Yemen. God-damn it, I thought we could have taken them this year. Ah well, there is always next year!

What I find surprising though is that India came in at number two. India is a country which was full of pacifists, at least I originally thought so. I mean hell the country kicked the British out with pacifism, so the number two ranking is rather surprising. But I guess goat-herding and snake-charming requires a versatile arsenal of weapons, specifically bullet-piercing weapons.

100-Year-Old Bag Shoves Cigarette Smoke Down Cancer's Throat

100-year-old celebrates her birthday by smoking 170,000th cigarette | the Daily Mail:

"An iron-lunged pensioner has celebrated her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigerette from a candle on her birthday cake.

Winnie Langley started smoking only days after the First World War broke out in June 1914 when she was just seven-years-old - and has got through five a day ever since."

This women should be making her own commercials in response to those truth.com commercials. She started at age seven! Age seven! This women has had a love-affair with cigarettes since she was a prepubescent. If smokers ever needed a role-model to look up to or even needed a mascot, she would fit the mold. Can't you just see the United Smokers Alliance (does that even exist?) using this women as their spokesperson? Though they'd have to spin the following in a positive light :

Despite the numerous health warnings, Mrs Langley insists she's never suffered because of the habit as she "has never inhaled".

What's the point then? Seriously what's the point if you can't get that sweet nicotine into you're bloodstream quickly? But, hey, at least she can say that she found a loop-hole with smoking. Don't inhale and you should be a-ok. I mean it's not like you can get oral, throat, and esophageal cancers, right?

Ripped Balls

Church Deacon, OU Fan Tears Scrotum Of UT Fan In Bar Fight - Sports News Story - KXAS | Dallas:

"'The guy came over his other shoulder, and basically said, 'I'm getting ready to kick your you-know-what.' He said he felt threatened and he did what he thought he needed to do and grabbed him and left the bar,' said Bock."

Ouch, the title of the story just makes you cringe and curl up into the fetal position. The actual news story is a little too lite on the information, but you have to love college sports fans that take their love for their teams to a whole new level of extremeness. What I found really comical about this story is the picture associated to it on the right-side, click the link and be amused!

Old People Are 'Frisky'

My Way News - Survey: Seniors Have Sex Into 70s, 80s:

"An unprecedented study of sex and seniors finds that many older people are surprisingly frisky - willing to do, and talk about, intimate acts that would make their grandchildren blush. That may be too much information for some folks, but it comes from the most comprehensive sex survey ever done among 57- to 85-year-olds in the United States."

Let me first say ewww. Now that the obvious has been stated let's get to the heart of the matter:

However, more than half of those aged 57 to 75 said they gave or received oral sex, as did about a third of 75- to 85-year-olds.

Once again ewww. But in all seriousness good for them, I'd rather have them spend their time getting it on then have those senile bastards behind the wheel of an automobile, wouldn't you agree?

Beckham vs T-Rex in a Race, T-Rex = Winner

Study: T-rex could outrun David Beckham - CNN.com:

"'Our research, which used the minimum leg-muscle mass T-rex required for movement, suggests that while not incredibly fast, this carnivore was certainly capable of running and would have little difficulty in chasing down footballer David Beckham, for instance,' said Phil Manning, a paleontologist at the University of Manchester, who worked on the study."

Has Jurassic Park the movie taught us nothing? I mean the T-Rex almost caught up to a freaking jeep. Come-on now, do we need to go back to the video:


I hope the people involved in this study have notified Becks, god only knows what the world would do if Becks were to some-how get chased and then mauled by a T-Rex.