The US #1 in Another Stat

U.S. most armed country with 90 guns per 100 people�|�Top News�|�Reuters.com:

"The United States has 90 guns for every 100 citizens, making it the most heavily armed society in the world, a report released on Tuesday said."

The US is #1 once again on another list. I mean is there anything we can't be at the top for. Well I guess per-capita we came second fiddle to Yemen. God-damn it, I thought we could have taken them this year. Ah well, there is always next year!

What I find surprising though is that India came in at number two. India is a country which was full of pacifists, at least I originally thought so. I mean hell the country kicked the British out with pacifism, so the number two ranking is rather surprising. But I guess goat-herding and snake-charming requires a versatile arsenal of weapons, specifically bullet-piercing weapons.

100-Year-Old Bag Shoves Cigarette Smoke Down Cancer's Throat

100-year-old celebrates her birthday by smoking 170,000th cigarette | the Daily Mail:

"An iron-lunged pensioner has celebrated her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigerette from a candle on her birthday cake.

Winnie Langley started smoking only days after the First World War broke out in June 1914 when she was just seven-years-old - and has got through five a day ever since."

This women should be making her own commercials in response to those truth.com commercials. She started at age seven! Age seven! This women has had a love-affair with cigarettes since she was a prepubescent. If smokers ever needed a role-model to look up to or even needed a mascot, she would fit the mold. Can't you just see the United Smokers Alliance (does that even exist?) using this women as their spokesperson? Though they'd have to spin the following in a positive light :

Despite the numerous health warnings, Mrs Langley insists she's never suffered because of the habit as she "has never inhaled".

What's the point then? Seriously what's the point if you can't get that sweet nicotine into you're bloodstream quickly? But, hey, at least she can say that she found a loop-hole with smoking. Don't inhale and you should be a-ok. I mean it's not like you can get oral, throat, and esophageal cancers, right?

Ripped Balls

Church Deacon, OU Fan Tears Scrotum Of UT Fan In Bar Fight - Sports News Story - KXAS | Dallas:

"'The guy came over his other shoulder, and basically said, 'I'm getting ready to kick your you-know-what.' He said he felt threatened and he did what he thought he needed to do and grabbed him and left the bar,' said Bock."

Ouch, the title of the story just makes you cringe and curl up into the fetal position. The actual news story is a little too lite on the information, but you have to love college sports fans that take their love for their teams to a whole new level of extremeness. What I found really comical about this story is the picture associated to it on the right-side, click the link and be amused!

Old People Are 'Frisky'

My Way News - Survey: Seniors Have Sex Into 70s, 80s:

"An unprecedented study of sex and seniors finds that many older people are surprisingly frisky - willing to do, and talk about, intimate acts that would make their grandchildren blush. That may be too much information for some folks, but it comes from the most comprehensive sex survey ever done among 57- to 85-year-olds in the United States."

Let me first say ewww. Now that the obvious has been stated let's get to the heart of the matter:

However, more than half of those aged 57 to 75 said they gave or received oral sex, as did about a third of 75- to 85-year-olds.

Once again ewww. But in all seriousness good for them, I'd rather have them spend their time getting it on then have those senile bastards behind the wheel of an automobile, wouldn't you agree?

Beckham vs T-Rex in a Race, T-Rex = Winner

Study: T-rex could outrun David Beckham - CNN.com:

"'Our research, which used the minimum leg-muscle mass T-rex required for movement, suggests that while not incredibly fast, this carnivore was certainly capable of running and would have little difficulty in chasing down footballer David Beckham, for instance,' said Phil Manning, a paleontologist at the University of Manchester, who worked on the study."

Has Jurassic Park the movie taught us nothing? I mean the T-Rex almost caught up to a freaking jeep. Come-on now, do we need to go back to the video:


I hope the people involved in this study have notified Becks, god only knows what the world would do if Becks were to some-how get chased and then mauled by a T-Rex.

Drug-Testing Whole Cities, I...C...U...P!

My Way News - Scientists Drug-Test Whole Cities:

"Researchers have figured out how to give an entire community a drug test using just a teaspoon of wastewater from a city's sewer plant."

Let me get this straight, their using an entire city's urine sample for drug testing? Genius! I would love to see the toxicology report from Las Vegas. I'm sure we'd all be blown away.
Also I don't think I'm alone in this but I personally think they should try to get samples from locker rooms at Major League Baseball parks. At least we'll get an idea of what teams are actually juicing up. It's always nice to know what players are doing it, but don't you feel that getting small juicy bits of information at first and then making large accusations over the course of a few days tends to be more fun. Even better how funny would it be to see those players who are actually juicing not taking pisses in the locker rooms and watching them run around the field trying to hold it in. Man the hilariousness would be super!

Some-one draft up a plan so MLB can go forward with this!

Americans + World Politics = Huh!?

Most US adults in the dark about world politics:

"Two-thirds of US adults admit to being in the dark about political issues outside the United States,"

No way, us American's don't care about things outside the good ol' US of A? That's hogwash, I demand a mulligan on this survey.

Pimpin` at 90

World's oldest father has 21st child at 90 | the Daily Mail:

"The world's oldest father has done it again, fathering a child for at least the 21st time, at the age of 90."

Uhh, is this even humanly possible? This man must be on some absurd Viagra. Gosh and I thought Shawn Kemp had a lot of babies running around and a boatload of baby mama drama. This man tops it all.

"Mr Jogi fathered his eldest daughter, Sita Devi, in 1943. His latest wife, Saburi, who has given him seven children, was first married to his eldest son Shiv Lal, who died 10 years ago."

I don't know whether to be disgusted or intrigued. Yet you can't deny that it's so pimp. Play on playah, play on!

Morons With Tasers

My Way News - Guard Uses Taser on Man Holding Newborn:

"In a confrontation captured on videotape, a hospital security guard fired a stun gun to stop a defiant father from taking home his newborn, sending both man and child crashing to the floor."

Did anyone really expect an intelligent human-being working security at a hospital? Come on now let's get with the program. Even a former police officer tends to agree with that notion:

"I've got to wonder what kind of moron would Tase an adult holding a baby," said George Kirkham, a former police officer and criminologist at Florida State University. "It doesn't take rocket science to realize the baby is going to fall."

I assume the thought process in this whole ordeal went something like: 'The welfare of the baby was being compromised, let's stun the man. As long as the baby isn't being held by the man he/she will be ok, thus letting it be football spiked to the ground was an acceptable outcome from this situation.'

Once you get past the horrific aspect of this story, how cool is this:

The elevators would not move because wristband sensors on each baby shut off the elevators if anyone takes an infant without permission.

Yo I'm Lowridin` G

The Shreveport Times:

"Anyone caught wearing sagging pants who exposes his or her underwear will be subject to a fine of up to $150 plus court costs, or face up to 15 days in jail."

I am sure many of you can agree that this is taking a positive step forward in solving the heart of all of our problems. With this law the town of Mansfield will be taking a huge leap in helping to solve not only it's problem, but the world's problems of crime, hunger, war, all while potentially helping the environment. Can't you see it now?

Youths pull up their pants and help clear up the hole in the O-zone layer by not allowing excess gas to escape from their partially exposed rectums.

Join me in giving Mansfield and Councilman Calvin Lester a round of applause for not wasting the time and money of their taxpayers on something outrageous.

By the way here is article #2.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a baby..

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - A New Zealand couple is looking to call their
newborn son Superman -- but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been
rejected by the government registry.

The Wheatons decided on the name after seeing the baby for the first time
in an ultrasound scan and realizing their baby was "for real."

I thought to close out a nice Friday afternoon I'd post the least obvious thing I've seen in a while. They must have just gotten those really good 60's drugs in New Zealand.

US public sees news media as biased, inaccurate, uncaring: poll

US public sees news media as biased, inaccurate, uncaring: poll:

" More than half of Americans say US news organizations are politically biased, inaccurate, and don't care about the people they report on, a poll published Thursday showed."

The news biased? Of course not, Fox and CNN don't have their own agendas, that's hogwash!

I think a better poll question would be "Who still believes the media is actually delivering us the news?" Because I'm not sure items such as: "Drinking water may lead to pregnancy problems, find out at tonight at 11 if you're at risk!" and "Breathing may give you cancer stay tuned for more after the break" are actually "news".

'Redneck Games' a problem for police

By the time the latest Redneck Games ended Sunday, more than 54 arrests and citations had been issued on charges ranging from public intoxication to speeding, according to the Henderson County Sheriff's Department. Officials are considering charges against the organizer and landowners where the event was held.

Is this the first time the "Redneck Games" were ever held? Noooooo. Did they really just figure out that people would be drunk driving away from this thing? That's like being shocked at the number of DUI arrests following a NASCAR race.

But honestly, I do appreciate this shocking bit of news.

Modern living to blame for cancer epidemic | News | This is London

Modern living to blame for cancer epidemic | News | This is London:

"Binge drinking, reckless sunbathing and overeating are fuelling a massive rise in cancer, experts warn."

In other shocking news walking, talking, seeing, hearing, living, breathing, and even dying all lead to life-threatening illnesses! Doctors have also recently concluded that conception does not lead to cancer for the baby, but being born does.

Breast implants linked with suicide in study

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Women who get cosmetic breast implants are nearly three
times as likely to commit suicide as other women, U.S. researchers reported on
Wednesday.

Oh really? So you're saying that somebody who dislikes her appearance so much that she is willing to go through surgery is more likely to kill herself than someone who is mentally stable. If only I could figure out a way to give someone a personality for $10,000 I'd be a very rich man.

Thank you for spending time and money on that worthwhile study! I never saw that coming.

Woman, 19, suspected of statutory rape

Woman, 19, suspected of statutory rape

A 19-year-old Lincoln woman has been arrested for statutory rape for allegedly having sex with a 14-year-old boy in her car.

Where was this girl when I was 14? Kids these days have all the advantages. What I've always wondered though is that these older women, not this one specifically but the older teachers who get off having sex with these young kids. They must really be quite tight down there, right? Or I mean the kids must be massive. In either case it's just something I've wondered and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

By the way, what 14-year-old would see this as rape? Did you see her picture?